Weekly Journals: Week One:

The purpose of these daily journals is to be: “a place to recount and reflect on tasks, rewards, and punishments as well as a place to confess and to share any concerns with Me [Miss Lucy].“

Wednesday, September 20

Today Miss Lucy and I spoke at length about our shared fetishes, what we’re looking for in this relationship, and just some random things. I enjoyed the random part, while this is a Domme/Sub relationship I would like to get to know Miss Lucy on a more personal level too. We shared our BDSM Test which was a nice learning experience about each other. I won’t go into details, but we seem pretty compatible. We also discussed the basis of our relationship, which will be a blackmail based Domme/sub relationship. I had a very, very, very bad experience with blackmail previously, which I’m not eager to repeat… However I’m beginning to trust Miss Lucy, and I hope we can work something out; I have some ideas that hopefully will satisfy Miss Lucy while alleviating my fears that I hope to propose when we’re ready. The important thing to me (which some would say defeats the purpose of blackmail) is that my career isn’t destroyed, so hopefully we can work around that. I don’t believe blackmail has to be a tool with the only option of total destruction, nothing is black and white, I want to explore the metaphorical shades of grey of blackmail with Miss Lucy. That said, I’d like to get to know her a bit better before we begin blackmail, however in the mean time we are getting many other things sorted. I truly believe we can have a good experience together! Switching topics, this shouldn’t be my first journal, but I enjoyed today and wanted to write this (it’s really late, I’m beyond exhausted… but I want to finish!). I started what was supposed to be a simple email about what toys I have and what I want, it turned into a 3-part collaborative blog series about Toys (part 1), Fantasies & Ideas (Part 2), and how Miss Lucy is using some very innovative techniques to dominate me with technology (Part 3). (I wonder if we can sell that part..?). I can’t wait until I get to read what Miss Lucy wants to do if she adds to Part 2. Miss Lucy has been a little coy about her plans and fetishes. I also can’t wait to put down some of my plans/fetishes in writing! Right now though it’s time to go to sleep, can’t wait until tomorrow. - J

Thursday, September 21

I screwed up. I let Miss Lucy get too close.

Oh boy... what am I getting myself into?

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I suffer from anxiety and often experience panic attacks, and right now I’m very close to one. I’m scared of blackmail and she’s a bit too close for comfort. I want to trust her so much, but she won’t let me know literally anything about her… I won't lie, I'm a tiny bit worried. Once I know she isn't a 40 year old hairy guy named frank, I'll feel a lot better!

Our relationship is going to be a blackmail based system, but that’s so hard to agree to when you know nothing about the one who will hold all the power. We’ve talked about it a little, and I greatly appreciate what has been said between us, and what she’s revealed, but unless I know more, I don’t know how long I’ll be able to continue feeling like this. Miss Lucy reads these, and that’s the point (I think…) of these is so she can get into my head and see how I’m taking things. The thing I’m worried most about is the end-game , as one naturally does. I’ll do my absolute best to not disobey her, and thus not causing a blackmail exposure, so that leaves only the end-game to worry about.

She is so into this, and as she’s said, gets off on this control a lot, but all that does is make me wonder if she’ll let me go peacefully? We’ve agreed to make a fair exit-clause, and our blackmail agreement will be contracted, but I do have my worries. It’s not that I don’t trust her, I want to, and am beginning to , so I guess we’ll talk about it some more and get on with it.

I guess to sum it up either she is great at conning and (pre-session) after-care solely to fuck me at the end, or she is the most amazing Domme I’ll ever meet, and we’ll have an experience neither of us will ever forget… We have so much in common, I want this to continue and be real. Either way, so far Miss Lucy is an amazing woman, and I've enjoyed what we've done so far!

As a side note, thank you to Miss Lucy, for this self-therapy, I’m realizing where many of my issues stem from in past relationships. To put in writing, my limits, and what I expect to be the framework of our agreement. I want our contract to enforce my servitude to Miss Lucy, but not be a specific 100% ruination based agreement. Hard Limits: - Public (anything that exposes me in public, or excessively risks public embarrassment.) - Involving Roommates (Anything that will expose me to my roommates) - Involving Work (I will NOT disclose or allow access to anything related to my career for both legal reasons and personal reasons.) - Financial Domination (This wasn’t something she ever mention before, and I won’t entertain it. This is not what I am looking at all, nor do I have the resources.)*** - Anything Illegal or unsafe, obviously. In return for these hard limits being respected, I won’t ever just stop speaking to Miss Lucy, ***disobey her (our agreement is that if I refuse a task I will be given the option of a punishment or small financial penalty), or if I happen upon information about her never use it for any purpose at all. My soft limits are more fun, and I know she’ll break and push them (ONCE I’M PREPARED MISS LUCY!) haha. - Hidden public (not at work) ( (I.E. making me wear a diaper out in public and wetting/messing it, wearing panties (see Blog Series Part 2)***, painting toe nails, etc.)

- Hidden work (CLEAR painted finger nails, forced panties, Hush butt plug, other weird tasks I can undertake in the bathroom type of things, etc.) - Forced Bi (I need training for a while before she pushes this one.) *** My “Locked Panty Fetish” exempt, down the line. Anyways, let’s move to a lighter note. I posted BLOG Series 3 PART 2 tonight, and Miss Lucy and I discussed it, I can’t WAIT to begin this! G-d damn, starting with Miss Lucy has me excited in more than every sense of the word. This was a long journal, I don’t think future ones will be as long, but I needed to express my concerns, limits, and again mention how excited I am to start this! - J

Friday, September 22

Miss Lucy allowed me to see her tonight, and I’m very grateful.

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As much as that really shouldn’t alleviate my fears, it did do a lot for them. She also shared some personal information, which I appreciate her opening up to me. I hope she allows me to hear her voice too someday, that would be the most amazing thing. On a related note, the IP camera has audio so she could speak through it.

I was disobedient today and touched myself without Miss Lucy’s permission, she was not very happy with me. I shouldn’t have done so, but these last few days of not touching myself coupled with our conversation last night about all my fantasies got the better of me. Of course I told Miss Lucy right away, she says I am to be punished. As a result I am now locked in my CB-6000 until she says otherwise. My new chastity device has been ordered and should be here in a couple of weeks, we both can’t wait! I went out of the house wearing the CB-6000 earlier and it was humiliating, I was hyper aware that it was on, and felt like everyone else noticed too, even though I know they didn’t. If this is the level of humiliating experiences I can expect serving Miss Lucy I may never want to leave her.

We went through part 3 of the blog series which should be done tomorrow, and I had a lot of fun showing her things.

To be frank, I’ve wanted something like this for a long long time, however most Domme’s aren’t nearly as flexible in trying things as Miss Lucy is! I also am not into financial domination, and every Domme I’ve found that is into even half these things wants a lot of money for, which I can’t do. Miss Lucy seemingly is willing to do these things for the sake of dominating another person, and to be in control, which I like.

I’m not opposed to our agreement of me paying a reasonable financial penalty if I don’t want to complete a task, or accept a punishment (which if I don’t want to do that, I must pay a larger financial penalty).

I’m so glad I found her, I think we’re both going to remember this experience for a long time. In theory our agreement will be for a minimum of a year, as that is how my chastity release schedule is setup. I’m sure we’ll get up to a lot of trouble in that time. ;)

- J

Saturday, September 23

♫ She sees me when I’m sleeping, she knows when I’m awake. She knows if I’ve been bad or good, so I’d best be good for punishments sake. I better watch out, else she may make me cry, she knows everywhere I am, so I better not lie… Oh my goodness Miss Lucy owns me! ♫

I bought an IP camera for Miss Lucy today. She was really busy with personal things, and I thought it may be a nice distraction to end the night for her. She can now see in my room 24/7/365. The camera has night vision which works very well, I truly have no more privacy. eep!

This is in addition to her GPS tracking me 24/7. Now whenever I’m somewhere that isn’t home or work, Miss Lucy is able to inquire about my location. If I’m somewhere I’m not supposed to be, I can’t lie, she knows exactly where I am.

We had our first ‘real’ session tonight. I was humiliated over the new camera, that was fun! She made me do push-ups in my underwear, naked jumping jacks with a sock over my chastity, and then put on a bra for her to see me wear.

I’ve been instructed to practice rope bondage harnesses on myself tomorrow, I better do it because Miss Lucy could literally be watching at any time.

I think that’s all for now. Can’t wait to see what the next session brings. One last thing, I kinda want to ask Miss Lucy if she’d write a journal. Not daily/sessionly like me, but maybe a monthly thing, something so I can understand her side of things too… anyways, just musing.

- J

#journal